I don't know clouds

I really do not know clouds at all. I was sitting at a stoplight yesterday afternoon. Usually I am irritated to be stopped and have my time wasted. I looked up and saw a beautiful billowing cloud. I am always fascinated by how cloud move and change so flowingly.

As a child, I would lay at the top of a hill, on a hot summer’s day and watch the clouds.  It was better than television. Of course, we did not have the internet or any of the things we have today.   I would have watched the clouds anyways. They are fascinating, how they change and all the different forms they take on.

Storm clouds are beautiful and frightening all at once. Sometime when a storm is approaching, it seems as if a monster is coming towards you.  The roaring of the thunder inside the clouds is just massively powerful. Lightening in the sky is just a wonder. The colors in the sky are interesting.  Sometime, it is alarming the power that is in a storm. I like storms. I could have been a storm watcher.

On one of my walks around the pond, I saw a smiling face (cloud form) looking down at me from the sky. The mouth was moving. I wish I know what it was saying to me. I like to think I was being told all is well.  I know this sound crazy. Although, I know I am not the only one that looks to the sky for signs or answers.  I think we all look to the sky. After all, there is so much up there.  We can only venture to guess, Stars, planets, heaven and clouds.

 

 

I have an extensive amount of sky pictures in my inventory. I like to share some of them with you. In addition, I am sure you have seen it. It has been all over on the internet, The Angel over Florida photo.  I cannot say for sure if this is real. But then again I have seen some unexplainable things also. I think that is why we look to the sky.  We look for answers, guidance and hope in a cruel world.

http://www.bing.com/images/search?q=something+in+the+clouds&qpvt=something+in+the+clouds&FORM=IGRE

 

 visit Bing images of things in the clouds

As women what do you do for yourself?

What do we do as women for ourselves?
This question was presented to me years ago in a woman’s health class. Of course, the instructor calls on me. Maybe I looked like someone that needed a wakeup call.

I replied, “I get my hair done, buy new clothes.”  Decorate my house and I work out every day.

No, she said. What do you do for yourself? You buy new outfits and have your hair done for others, so you look good for them. You decorate your house so other people will see what a good decorator you are. You do these things for your man and other people.

Oh sure painting your toenails and cutting your hair in a new wacky way is fun.  However, is it something that we are doing for our health? Our mental health.  Recharging our energy.

This got me to thinking. At the time I was taking this class, I had two sons and a husband. I was going to school and working a part time job. What was I doing for myself? Well I was taking this class for one thing. However, that was it. Most of my day is consumed with taking care of others.

We are preoccupied with helping others all day. This is true unless you are an Ice Queen then you have no need to read this article. Stop now and join the cold bitches face book. Yes, there is one and here is the link.

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cold-bitches/240865429344264

So what can we do for ourselves?  Our nature is to make sure that our loved ones are happy. I do not know about you but when one of my loved one’s is unhappy, I am unhappy.  I stress out about how to make them happy. There is no way around this predisposed behavior we have. We just have to learn to help solve this problem without losing our self in the process.

Do not lose yourself. This is why I am writing this blog. So far, the C.O has stayed away and good because he would have a heart attract from all my type o’s and misspellings of word.  In addition, the word context errors would drive him through the roof. Any ways if he helped it would not be mine anymore it would be ours.  “As long as you are having fun”, he said. How cute, little old me trying to write something other people would be interested in reading.  

So anyways, we need to forgive ourselves for not being perfect and unable to solve every problem all the time. Who can? Why try? Really, I am serious. We can voice our opinion. We can offer a helping hand. We can lend a shoulder to cry on when needed.

Second, we should allow ourselves to take a nap when we get the chance. So what, the laundry need to be done, it will still be there in 20 minutes. What the heck, it is always there. There is always something that needs to be done and it drives me crazy. Huh, why wasn’t that on my boring list. I think I could write a novel on what bores me. Maybe I will. OK, I just checked it out.  A novella is 20,000 to 50,000 words long. I could do that.  How about you, could you write a novella on all the things that bore you in your daily routine.

We should take a day or just an afternoon off just for whatever we want to do. Well, that would be nice. Sometimes that works out for me. Actually, this is something we need to do. Even if you are a single mother, get someone to baby sit. Most importantly if you are a single mother. Get someone to babysit. You need it. If you can arrange it, take a week. Heck, take a month if you can. I was there and I know it is hard. No wait I mean hell.

Take a yoga class. I love yoga!  Here is where I get my yoga information.

http://www.yogajournal.com/livemag/

I practice it at home and sometimes I attend a class. The problem is while I am in a down dog pose, all I am thinking about is when are we going to be done. I have so much to do today. Usually though when we finish I am relaxed and refreshed and ready for the rest of the day. As soon as I leave the class, the phone will ring and someone has a problem.  My Zen is now gone and I am back to where I was before I came into my class. I must say though it is helping little by little.

Keep a journal so we can go back and see what unhealthy patterns we are following or what we have been doing good with and reinforcing it. I just started doing this. Amazing how I have gotten to be this age and have not really done this.

Saying no when you mean no. This has been said to us repeatedly but yet we hesitate to really practice this. Here is a scenario. You really do not want to get the stupid baseball game. However, you go anyways. Thought out the whole trip you are angry, mumbling under your breath because you would much rather be somewhere else. Anywhere but where you are. Now are you having fun and is the person that you are with having fun?  They can tell you are not because you are not smiling. They can hear your sarcasm and you keep mumbling under your breath. Now if you would have said no, stuck to it and had someone else go with this person. Someone that wanted to really go. You would probably be taking a long bath with wine and candles and then taking a nap.

OK, I am done with the blah, blah, blah, now with all that said. Bottom line. You know who you are. If you do not know who you are, figure it out, fast! Then claim your power. Do not be afraid of it. Do not let anyone take it away from you. In addition, do not take it away from others.  Now get out there, and be woman. Empowered women that claim their power and know what they need for themselves.  And take naps, when they want to.

Boiling Water

Now in my 55^th year on this earth you would think I would have everything figured out.  Well just because I know it, does not mean I will practice or follow it. So from now on, I will start practicing and following the golden rules of everything. Maybe they are not golden rules, but just general knowledge. I realize this is a big endeavor but here goes I am ripping the Band-Aid off.  

1^st golden rule I will tackle is a watched pot never boils. I do not know if this is a golden rule but it is a saying. The water does eventually boil but standing there and waiting only stresses me out. I am in a hurry and I want to get that pasta in the water so I lift the lid to check the water, only to cool the water off and have it take even longer.  Have you been there?

Things in life take time. With technology, the way it is everyone wants instant results. We have come to expect this.  Everyone is in a hurry and stressed out. Things are not going the way I want so I am agitated and rushed. When I am in that mode I tend to not see or feel what is really going on. I am not breathing. My ability to assess and respond to the situation at hand, reduced.

Sure it’s just boiling water or is it?  It was probable a bad day at work, things were out of my control. Maybe someone cut me off on your way home and I have let it fester. Maybe I am tired and I do not want to be cooking dinner anyways. Maybe it is not the water.  Therefore, I need to examine why I am standing over a pot of water waiting for it to boil, as if I can speed up the process.

I am going to breathe from now on.  This is something I have learned in yoga and meditation. When things are not going my way, I will open my senses and assess my truths. I will be proactive in searching for why I am standing over a pot of water, waiting for it to boil. I will be patient with myself and if need be walk away for a while.

This is my flow of things from now on.

Pamela Richardson

There is a bad storm coming

There is a bad storm coming. It has been rumbling off in the distance for a long time now. I have always loved a good storm. That is Mother Nature’s storms. It is true though that Mother Nature does not discriminate.  She takes damaged and healthy out in her path. Although in time, there is always new growth after the storm. The clean smell in the air is always a welcome result.  Everything is now refreshed and nourished.

This is not a storm created by Mother Nature. This is a personal storm. The first wave came in last week. Actually, the storms have been coming in for years, probable 45 years now. I am 55 yrs. old.  Storms are always in the distance. As I said, I like storms.  I always have.

My father was an alcoholic, his father an alcoholic. It makes sense that I would accept this behavior as normal. I was the first-born female in the family and have a great caregiver attitude. I am also co-dependent and an enabler. You see I cannot look at myself with too much honesty. I would blow up.  It has taken me a week and a half to be able to write again.

Living with and choosing to stay with an alcoholic is always a hard choice. What else can you do? You love them.  It makes it harder when this person cannot admit it to themselves the truth. It also makes it hard when you yourself cannot admit to yourself that you also have a problem.

Sometimes things happen that bring you to your knees. Life is no longer the same and there are changes coming that you have no control over.  Your first response is fight or flight. First, I fought (which is why we separated) Then I wanted to run. I cannot run because I would be running from myself. I cannot fight because I would be fighting against myself. It would only be repeating the same patterns. I must stay and learn to let go. I must listen and learn to love not control.  I must learn to heal myself first in the present situation. Otherwise, I cannot grow.

I have taken the first steps to help myself. I have attended some Al-anon meetings.  I should have talked to Bill Alexander more when he lived right down the road from me. I was too proud and Self-righteous. I am not doing this to help the C.O. I am doing this for myself.

This situation is not about The C.O. It is about my problem and me. I love the C.O. and always will. Wherever this storm takes us, I will accept. I know that there is new growth and things always smell fresh and clean afterwards.